If you really want to improve and transform yourself, the first step is to become aware of the weaknesses which may be holding you back and preventing your evolution. These are your perfectionism, your tendency to hyperfocus on minutiae, your over intellectualization, and your comfort with a constant state of worry.

Datrie has a Discord in relationships. Although she is friendly and outgoing and commits herself to friendships and partnerships, she often finds it difficult to balance her own needs, desires, and goals with the objective reality of others and their individual desires and needs.

To understand and overcome this problem, she should accept the idea that every relationship follows more or less the same general scheme: a base of intimacy and an accomplishment or purpose apart from the relationship itself. If she succeeds in defining, through discussion and communication, what sort of intimate relationship she and her partners want to maintain and what accomplishment or purpose they hope to achieve, many conflicts will be avoided.

Datrie trusts herself better and gains self-assurance by learning to say no. Once she is capable of saying no to others, she can say yes to life. She must develop her awareness of all the things she loves and feel positive about, as well as all the changes she hopes to make in order to enjoy life more. This is the foundation that will support her, the inexhaustible source and center of the transformation of her personality. Infantile anxieties which arose in childhood when she was helpless may be obstacles to her evolution. Sometimes they actually prevent her from daring to confront challenges she would be altogether capable of assuming now! One of the reasons she yields to these childhood fears so readily is that they procure a feeling so familiar to her that, although it is negative, it is a reassuring part of her identity. However, the more often she reinforces this complex by yielding to that feeling, the more aware she becomes of her true emotional state. The irrational childhood fears have also reinforced her pessimistic tendencies. It is difficult for her to believe in the sunny side of life because of the pernicious little voice inside her that claims she doesn’t really deserve all this goodness. This side of her could undermine her vitality and force her to compensate or flee from reality. In doing so, she limits her power to bring about a positive change in herself or her life. It’s a vicious cycle, and to free herself, the first step is to free herself from the fears which prevent her from taking full advantage of life. She can succeed if she arranges a relaxed, positive environment for herself, establishes sincere relations with one or two special people, and, if possible, finds a setting – perhaps a yoga class – in which she can practice relaxation exercises.